Dear GOD

i believe when i woke up in the morning to the sight of sunlight streaming through my windows

i believe when i look at the smiling faces of my family

i believe when i walk outside to the to the beautiful clear skies

or the rain, washing away the dirt, leaving the sweet smell of cleanliness

i believe when i hear music and laughter

i believe when i see misery and pain

with all the good that you've put in me

with all the messed up things that i do, yet you still forgive me

Dear GOD

i believe in you

i believe i'm blessed with the company of good friends

i believe when i'm in the company of those who are wishing to do me harm

i believe when i return safe with you having walked beside me

i believed when i got a phone call from my home that umkhulu had passed on

i believed when i was told that aunty had passed on.....

leaving three of my cousins without a mother

2

i don't know where to start

i don't know where to begin

i don't understand what's going on

i think about you a lot lately, when i don't want to (this sounds sooooo soppy already but i can't help it-it's how i feel)

why do i want to know now what you're up to

and with whom

why do i care?

i'm the one who said NO!

i don't like it when you ignore me

and talk to anybody but me

i almost prefer you being mean to me

OH MY GOODNESS!

You can be so sweet sometimes

and switch to being the biggest bastard

i remember the time when i was spread out on the sofa

and you laid out across me

your finger traced imaginary lines on my body..........

that felt so good

i sometimes wonder what it would be like to be kissed by you

i get both excited and repulsed by that thought

i wonder about other things too........

but never mind

am i going CRAZY!

i'm the one who said NO!

you know what?

it felt good to know that you liked me ever since that day

even though you front

i knew you thought i was pretty

remember when you said one day i would find out someone loved me

i've heard what it might have meant but i want to hear it from you

you told her that u loved her........

in front of her mama

and i hear u got a new girl(i hear you really like this one)

may be that's it

your focus has changed

it's no longer on me

may be that's why i feel like this

because what i feel for you sure as hell don't go any deeper

even so, i'd rather embarrass myself in front of people i know

then EVER let u read this

3

i have a million thoughts running through my mind

ask me what i'm thinking?

and i answer: i don't know

i have feelings coursing through my body all at once

to the point that i'm numb to it

life around me seems to move at the speed of light

i'm scared to close my eyes

because i might miss something good

life around me seems to move too slow

i know i don't belong here

it's slowly suffocating me........

4

i miss warm nights looking at the full moon

the smell of green grass just after its rained-hard

sitting after school on the steps with hot chips and laughter

whatever, life moves on..............right

5

it's not my fault that dad left us

you can't keep trying to make us grateful that you stayed

it's not my fault that you had three babies

i didn't ask to be born

with your coloured complexion

ample body

you're beautiful you know

you're a warrior

i can't stand to be in the same room as you sometimes

i can't understand you

when you go on and on

like a dripping tap

i feel like i'm nothing like you

you're night & i'm day

then again, maybe i'm too much like you

it's not my fault if you don't like how life has turned out for you

or are you trying to say it is?

6

Tired

i'm tired of being of being........

the way that i am

i'm tired of caring

i'm tired of letting you get to me

i'm tired of being hurt

i'm tired of crying over something that everyone else thinks insignificant

i'm tired of being so over sensitive

i'm tired of feeling

i'm tired of being so pathetic

i'm basically tired of being............

the way that i am

7

i never know how to reach you

you're untouchable

we're both in the same room

but you might as well be light years away

we never actually

i want to touch you

i want to hold you

i want to kiss you

i want to tell you that i'm sorry for whatever

i want to tell you that i'm here for you

that i love you

but i can't seem to

you know i'm rubbish at this....

or maybe you don't

maybe that's why you misunderstand and misinterpret me sometimes

even so...

you're still my guardian angel

(hahaha thug guardian angel-my bad)